Hey Mumma, here’s 7 Simple Tips to Reduce Resentment and Create a more Harmonious Home.
#182 of #365 Days of Feng Shui
When you have kids you may initially believe that the love that connects you all will allow your family life to flow.
Though once your tiny beings start to become bigger and they grow into their own little persons, the dynamics of your family change. The love is still there, of course. But sometimes the daily stress and trying to do everything can put a continual strain on you and the relationship you have with your family.
Mother guilt can also kick in and you may feel disconnected, want to run away at times and sometimes you don’t know how the hell you feel. You can flip from hugs to frustration at a drop of an ice-cream, and you have a constant push me, pull you feeling.
You may also feel unsupported or a little left-in-the-lurch emotionally as your partner is juggling his/ her own thing with work or just trying to find their own gentle footing as a parent.
This is when resentment starts to build towards the ones you love. Towards your partner for not being there, your kids for being demanding (basically kids being kids), your friends who may seem to have their shit sorted or for family that may give you a knowing ‘Yeah… been there with you’ but have no advice.
And I want to tell you, you aren’t alone here.
This is modern living, mumma.
In a past life, you may have been in a village where women worked alongside each other with babies, toddlers and teens. Teens who would pick up the toddlers when they fell, other mothers would nurse your baby when you attended your 2 yr old and one family would share their dinner when you were too sick to cook. You and the other women mothered together in a group and each child were ‘held’ in a community space by all its members.
You felt supported, not burdened. And there were many hands and hugs to help out.
Unfortunately, you may not be able to return to your village, well not just yet anyway. Though you need to function healthily and feel more grounded in your role as Mumma, now.
So how do you let go of resentment within your family when you feel frustrated or not supported?
Here’s 7 Simple Steps to Reduce Resentment and Create a more Harmonious Home.
1) Let go. Let go of time constraints of having to-do. If you have a business, housework or other things that ‘need’ to get done, letting go of a strict time constraint can lessen your stress. When I feel I ‘have’ to get something done in my business and feel like my kids are ‘stopping me’ (kids being kids), it stresses me out. Dropping expectations and allowing your business or duties to process organically can lessen your stress and pain points. I know if one of my boys are home sick there is no way I am going to be able to get the same amount of work done than on a kid free day. By dropping this expectation and ‘pushing’, it allows me to also drop my stress. This is also being realistic.
2) Being present. Your kids have a natural ability (depending on their age) to be in the present and feel that nothing else matters apart from this moment. And this is what your child’s biggest lesson is to you. When they become demanding, have a tantrum or continually ask for something, it is a simple reminder for you to be present with them. Stop everything. And really listen and be with them. This doesn’t mean condoning their tantrum for wanting you to buy yet another toy, but instead, sit down and play with them. See it as a sign just to be with them and soak up all their gorgeousness.
3) They are not doing it to you. Children don’t have tantrums or become moody just to piss you off. They are responding to a situation the only way they know how. By detaching from their reactions means you have a better ability to support them objectively and not take on board their emotions as being an attack on you. It’s nothing personal. And a great technique is to Love bomb them instead – some great info about Love Bombing your kids here >>
4) Eat well, rest and get to bed at a reasonable hour. Every parent knows just how much sleep and good eating or the lack of, can impact your emotional health. Making sure you are at your most energetic will reduce half of your emotional triggers. 9.30pm is a perfect time according to Ayurvedic practices to go to bed for restful and restorative sleep.
5) Create a space just for you. This can be a corner of your bedroom, a spare room or a corner of the garden where you can go and retreat. Fill your space with gorgeous cushions, your favourite colours, a Chill Out Chair, essential oils or a good book. And make clear boundaries that this place is just for you. And that this is where you go for your ‘time- out’; when things get a little full on. You may only need 1 minute here for you to calm your energies. And by just knowing you have your own sacred corner can help lower your stress and feel like you have somewhere to retreat to.
6) Fill your cup. You need to remember you are the only one responsible for you. And if you feel like your cup is empty then you are the only one who can take steps to fill it. Please don’t rely on anyone else to do this for you. Start to determine what it is that you feel you are missing out on. Is it a catch up with a friend, a return to work or taking night classes in Qi Gong? And communicate this with your family so you can organise your ‘fill-up’ time and take action. Then diarise it and go!
7) Meditate and forgive yourself. Meditation is such a gorgeous and sacred practice. Though if you are feeling overwhelmed there is no need to ‘push’ yourself with your meditation. Just sitting, breathing and focusing on the moment, right there, right now, is all you need to do to help shift your tension. And an extra tip is to breathe in self forgiveness for any triggers or buttons that were pushed during the day. This can help relieve any burdens or guilt you have placed on yourself. And know that you are doing your best without your village and that you love your children and spouse. Your intentions are good. And it’s ok that you’re perfectly imperfect. Just like your parents. Just like your friends and neighbours. Tomorrow is a new day and tomorrow you have another chance to surrender to the ‘now’ and the ‘love’; moment to moment.
If you feel you aren’t able to cope and the stress is negatively impacting you day to day always remember to nurture yourself and call on experts if you need to.
Black Dog Institute – http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/
Beyond Blue – http://www.beyondblue.org.au/
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