‘to err is human, to forgive is divine’
Forgiveness is a very powerful healing tool. When we forgive we are choosing to release the wounds which are continuing to hold power over us. When we hold onto old hurts, traumatic experiences or disappointments we continue to allow our unhealthy thought patterns or energy to control the way we live our lives and perceive people, places and occurrences.
Forgiveness can be a challenging process though when you consciously make the decision to release and let go there is a sense of freedom and lightness that takes place once we address and allow healing to occur. Pain, resentment and hurt which we may be holding over a long period may start to cripple us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When a traumatic experience or hurtful situation occurs we go through a number of emotional responses from shock to anger, fear and resentment and threading through these emotions is the underlying role of the victim. At first all these emotions and mental patterns may be justified and are normal human reactions to such events, though when these shocks or blocks remain and we never really move on from this, we carry this weight around with us like open wounds.
Forgiveness allows us to move into freedom and provides us with the ability to self heal from that situation and raise our awareness to a higher perspective. Forgiveness is not a gift you give to someone else or a process that condones the actions of others, it is truly something that you do for yourself in order heal and to no longer be affected by that experience or person.
Caroline Myss describes to us her view of the act of forgiving in her book
Anatomy of the Spirit –
‘the consequence of a genuine act of forgiveness borders on the miraculous. It may in my view, contain the energy that generates miracles themselves.’
If you decide to go down the path of forgiveness you will need to be honest with yourself and truly ready to let go of your pain. There are some questions you may need to ask yourself to see if you are truly ready before you choose to forgive, such as:-
‘Am I ready to stop blaming _Joe Blogs_for all my problems?’
‘Am I ready to stop speaking of this person in a negative way?’
‘Am I ready to stop playing the victim?’
‘Do I need to have some sort of closure on a situation or with a particular person?’
‘Is this wound serving a purpose for me and am I willing to let that go?’
If you feel that there is unfinished business with someone, that maybe you need to express yourself or find some closure, it is best to do this before you embark on the forgiveness process. Some people may have buried resentment for many years not really ready to face what they had gone through and so this needs to be addressed first. Whether you seek counselling or simply writing a letter to that person regarding your feelings of the situation, though please be careful not to turn this into a ‘blame game’. Try to express clearly about how that event made you feel and how you would like to move on from this.
Some people use their wounds to gain a sense of false power over people, for example, someone may have been in a serious accident which was caused by a friend or partner’s who had been under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Maybe now that person is too afraid to get into a car and uses their victim role and guilt to make the friend or partner to constantly run errands for them – ‘You did this to me and so now you have to pay.’ If this person truly wants to step into forgiveness they also need to relinquish this false control and address why they are feeling like they need to play this role.
There is one person we haven’t yet touched on upon in this process and that is you and the practice of self forgiveness. If we carry around with us a situation or many that we feel we have been irresponsible, abusive, or resentful of how we dealt with a situation, we carry with us guilt. You may then start to emotionally beat yourself up over situations and label yourself with negative tags such as idiot, stupid, dumb, worthless etc.. It may also start to form into more serious self abuse such as self harm or addiction. Therefore when you choose to start on the forgiveness path you also really need to consider how you feel about forgiving yourself and the need to release these blocks to truly move into happiness.
If you would like to start the forgiveness process you may be able to do this over a period of time as when you start addressing issues, sometimes you will start to become aware of deeper blocks and get a sense of core issues which you also may wish to address. Also if you feel you may need some support during your process please seek a professional to assist you with this such as a energetic healer experienced in this practice or counsellor.
Tools that may assist in the Forgiveness Process
Crystals can be worn or used in the room during the Forgiveness process or for a period of time to assist in releasing.
Flower essences maybe taken as a one-off during the cutting of the cords or taken as a remedy for a period of time.
For Forgiveness of Others
Chrysoberyl – it assists in new beginnings and helps with bringing in love and compassion to any situation.
Pink Calcite – aligns our awareness to that of unconditional love and assists with releasing fears in order for forgiveness to occur.
Chyrophrase – promotes flexibility and letting go of prejudices, opening us up to forgiveness and compassion.
Rutilated Quartz – it assists the user in letting go of past fears and moving forward onto one’s own spiritual path
Rhodonite – brings about the ability of seeing both sides of the situation and stimulates the heart chakra.
Topaz – sheds light on situations and events and assists in clearing and bringing in truth and forgiveness.
For Forgiveness of Self
Okenite – is a stone of bringing an awareness to your karmic patterns and promotes a feeling of deep forgiveness of self and completion of these karmic patterns.
Peridot – is a great supporter of bringing an awareness to past actions allows us to find the gift in our mistakes making way for forgiveness
Rose Quartz – the crystal of love and compassion. This eases the flow of love for self and others and assists in bringing to the surface a sense of self acceptance and self worth.
Infinite Stone (serpentine light green)- is similar to okenite in the sense that it works with past life issues. it also assists in the forgiveness process by easing resolutions from the past and opening the lines of calm expression.
Sugilite – supports during times of ‘facing up to matters’ and alleviates fear.
For Forgiveness of Others
Dagger Hakea – this remedy is the forgiveness essence. It assists with coming to terms with resentment and bitterness usually directed towards loved ones.
Mountain Devil – assists in alleviating hate and jealousy towards others in general and helps with accepting love and compassion for self and others.
Bottlebrush – assists in releasing and letting go of emotions and old hurts
For Forgiveness of Self
Sturt Desert Rose – assists in releasing any and all guilt about past actions and assists in building up self esteem.